How Big is Your Appetite for GNR?

In an attempt to cash in one last time (maybe), Geffen Records is re-re-re-releasing Guns N’ Roses’ 1987 major label debut Appetite For Destruction – but this time it’s called Appetite For Destruction: Locked and Loaded Edition (that doesn’t sound douchey at all) and the super-deluxe bells n’ whistles version is going to retail for a cool $1,000. (What a deal!)

Out June 29, the box set literally comes in a gaudy 12x12x12-inch wooden box wrapped in faux-leather, making it the perfect display item to class up any mobile home. It’s filled with all kinds of needless tchotchkes like: “a dozen 12×12-inch lithos of new illustrations visualizing each Appetite track, five custom buttons with various band logos, five custom hand-sculpted metal-cast band skull face rings, five custom hand-sculpted metal-cast band skull face lapel pins, a replica of the band’s first stage banner from the ’85/’86 club days, a bandana, a 2-inch collector’s coin with unique imagery stamped on both sides, two 24×36-inch wall posters, a 12×24-inch Robert Williams painting litho, five never-before-seen band lithos, six replica gig flyers, three replicas of classic show ticket stubs, two temporary tattoo sheets featuring life-size tattoos of the band members’ tats, six iron-on stitched patches, five metal-stamped guitar picks of the band skull faces with stamped signatures on the back, a turntable mat, a microfiber vinyl cleaning cloth, a 7-inch large-hole custom adapter, and finally, a 32gb metal-cast USB stick.” I’m not making this shit up, this is totally real. Do you have your $1,000 ready yet?

With any “box set” you’re usually gonna get extra music, B-sides, rarities, fart noises and the like, and this collection delivers with 25 “unreleased demos” including covers of Elvis Presley’s “Heartbreak Hotel,” Aerosmith’s “Mama Kin,” two different versions of The Rolling Stones’ “Jumpin’ Jack Flash,” as well two never-finished tracks/jams “The Plague” and “New Work Tune.” You can also hear the first two “work-in-progress” recording attempts of “November Rain” if you have 30 minutes just to piss away.

If you can’t afford this overpriced monstrosity, or if you can and are just smart enough not to buy it, but still want to get all Memberberries over Guns N’ Roses for whatever insane reason, they have t-shirts available at every Target store for just $12.99 – you won’t look like a dipshit asshole wearing one at all.