Halloween

If the Halloween franchise had kept moving at a steady clip after 1995’s Curse of Michael Myers, then we’d be at about Halloween 13 right now. That would be a good title for this entry, too. And, just like in real life, Jamie Lee Curtis would be making her second return as Laurie Strode for the franchise’s 40th anniversary. And, once again, Michael Myers would be stalking teens in Haddonfield, Illinois, because, once again, someone was stupid enough to transfer him out of prison on October 30th. If idiots kept doing that, it would make sense for Laurie to now be living like a survivalist locked up in a safe house. But this isn’t Halloween 13. This new Halloween is a direct sequel to 1978’s Halloween. That means Laurie Strode – once a plucky teen babysitter – is now just a crazy recluse. She isn’t even Michael’s sister anymore. That was a plot point specifically created to explain why Michael kept chasing after Laurie in Halloween II. So, with Michael’s motivation missing, this new Halloween plays like a typical stupid slasher movie. The only motivation is whatever co-writer Danny McBride brought along to smoke after his pal David Gordon Green was hired to direct this mess. It’d be more interesting to see what Laurie was smoking when she decided to build a safe house full of nooks, crannies and closets.

[R]