Rocketman Rocketman | Official Teaser Trailer | Paramount Pictures UK Source: Paramount Pictures UK/Youtube

Rocketman doesn’t “soar.” It isn’t “brilliant.” Don’t believe any of the fake news accolades you’ll see advertised along with its trailer. It’s more like an Elon Musk Space X rocket launch – a much overhyped (and expensive) letdown (those rockets oftentimes explode upon takeoff, or even worse Musk does something totally inane and pointless like takes taxpayer dollars and shoots one of his cars up into space). Speaking of pointless, this whole movie is just that. Clunky, unfocused, and all over the place, unsure if it wants to be a watered-down biopic or a mediocre musical. The film lacks zero identity, voice, or originality, which strikes contrary to Elton John himself, a known rock icon, someone who marched to the beat of his own drummer, both on and off the stage. Sure, he’s also gay – one of the most known gay celebrities of all time – but the way the movie plays up his queerness (and his “coming out”), it’s just so on the nose corny and safe (even the gay sex scene)(gasp!) that it’s almost like the writer and director are actually your dead grandfather who didn’t necessarily have a problem with gay people but didn’t actually know any gay people in real life. If you’re gay and liked this movie I really have to question your gayness. The film also portrays Elton John as this complete musical genius, while his collaborator Bernie Taupin is this dumbass afterthought who only supplied the words to all the songs via the mail. It hardly shows them working together, which they did. Bernie Taupin is a genius too! There would be no Elton John without Bernie Taupin!