Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

A dinosaur wrangler (John Schneider) and a gullible former park employee (Lindsay Lohan) return to the wrecked Jurassic World amusement empire because they aren’t smart enough to listen to a wise character actor who was probably paid millions for just one day on the set. They’re joined by a computer nerd (Sammy Petrillo) and a quirky veterinarian (whoever’s going to replace Pauley Perrette on NCIS). Their brave mission to let civilization be overrun with ancient carnivores, however, is challenged by an evil white hunter (Jerry Van Dyke, in his final role) and an evil rich guy (Ryan Reynolds, in an alternate universe where Deadpool bombed). Fortunately, the good guys are assisted by an army of CGI creatures who forget they can tear through steel walls whenever they’re trying to attack a little girl hiding behind a plywood wall. Also, all good guys in movies nowadays are superheroes who practice martial arts while instantly recovering from serious injuries. That takes care of any pesky tension, which leaves viewers simply worrying over whether they’ll regret seeing Jurassic World in 3D, IMAX, or both. Probably both.