Baywatch

It’s always bugged me that “private investigators” who are strictly licensed to gather intel on missing persons or conduct surveillance on cheating spouses, in the movies at least, get involved in murder investigations which is the sole jurisdiction of law enforcement. Now, you know what to expect from a movie titled Baywatch but what you get is a smarter, re-imagined though self-aware takeoff that spells out that these people are supposedly LIFEGUARDS qualified to rescue drowning swimmers and issue weather warnings. When bodies start to turn up on the beach and a new street drug Flakka washes ashore, an elite team of lifeguards led by Mitch Buchannan (Dwayne Johnson) decides to hold trials for trainees to beef up their ranks. A surfer named Summer (Alexandra Daddario) and a tech nerd (Jon Bass) are chosen alongside a disgraced two gold medal Olympic winner, Matt (Zac Efron) to join! Suspicions arise when Victoria Leeds (Priyanka Chopra from TV’s Quantico), the owner of an exclusive resort, is discovered to be buying up beachfront property to build a private community. Since the original ’90s show was already tongue-in-cheek this movie ups the ante with numerous dick jokes and racial humor, while nobody walks but abounds instead and nobody talks anything remotely resembling human speech. But it all looks good!

[R]